Get Out of That Chair

I was recently the Keynote Speaker at an event for women entrepreneurs where I spoke on success after failure. After the speech, during the break, one of the attendees approached me to tell me how much she enjoyed my presentation. Since it had been a long time since I had presented in a format such as the one for that event, I was flattered to hear that someone got someting out of it.

She said she took six pages of notes but the one thing that stood out for her was "the chair" story. I had to think a minute about what she was referring to as my presentation was about failing forward. I did mention the story about my chair but it wasn't the focus. She kept talking about how real and visual the chair story was and how so many women could relate. I actually got goose bumps as I began to relive the story in my mind. That dang Chair.

If you've read any of my posts you know about my experience with business. I have been an entrepreneur for over 30 years and at 50Something decided it was time I stepped out on faith and invest in an interior design franchise. To make a long, roller coaster ride story short, I opened the business in 2004 and was wildly successful in my first few years. I won awards for business excellence and had dozens of clients. In fact, I was so busy I barely slept at night. All was great until 2008. In 2008 the most significant economic crash in our lifetime occurred and overnight the housing market crashed and my businesst went from boom to doom.

This is where the "Chair" joins the story. Needless to say, I was totally devastated by the close of the business I loved. Not just because I felt that I had failed but because I had ended up in tremendous debt and had to liquidate my families savings to pay it off. So here I was defeated, depressed, racked with guilt and totally afraid to make a decision.

Where did I find comfort? My Chair! I have a big comfortable leather chair in my family room that faces the TV and has a large leather ottoman for me to rest my feet on while I sit. My chair. It has large cushioned armrests and a high back so I can lean back comfortably. To say the least you can sink in that chair and lose yourself in total comfort and safety.

Each morning, dreading facing the day with all the fears, doubts and uncertainty, I would roll out of bed, throw on a caftan, saunter down the stairs and "plop" in my chair. The remote was right next to me so I didn't even have to get up to change from one channel to the next. I would sit there day after day, safe  because there were no decisions to be made, no risk to any more of my families capital, no disappointments... The biggest decision of the day was what to cook for dinner and what I could half-clean to make it look like I lived there. It was pitiful.

My husband was busy and he would leave early with me in the chair and return home with me still in the chair. I was a total failure and the only use for a failure was to do nothing so that there were no future failures to heap on top of the pain.

Boo. Hoo!

Does any of this sound familiar? Have you been where I was or are you still there? It went on for far too long me and that chair. Reluctantly, I started doing some things to make it look like I was moving forward. I joined a network marketing company that marketed wellness products and I pretended to be passionate about building a team. But honestly, I COULD CARE LESS. I wasn't passionate about it. I couldn't wait to fnish a task so I could retreat to my chair.

So how did I get out of that chair? How does one move on from fear which was the real reason I didn't move. Here are a few concepts that helped me and may help you if you have been unable to get out of that chair:

Connect with Your Faith - My favorite scripture is Romans 8:28  (And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose). That scripture was instumental in helping me work through the feelings of inadequacy and fear. I had the reassurance of my Faith that no matter what, ALL things would work out for me.

Step Back and Take a New Look at Your Life - Disengage from the negativity of your situation and find the positive passion you know is still in you, even if it is dormant. Find the positive in everything going on in your life Recall the past positives and find ways to bring back the feelings from those experiences. Stay away from negative people and negative situations. Once you begin taking an optimistic look at life, you will see YOURS in a new way.

Let it Go and Get Up Out of the Chair - In other words, take ACTION. The best remedy for fear and doubt is ACTION. I write and speak about this often because it is truly one of the most important things you can do to move forward in anything. Action can be as simple as starting a blog (which is what I did). How about signing up for some seminars (on-and-offline), joining a networking group, starting a new business or going back to school. There are many ways to take the first step out of the chair so GET UP and get moving.

Lastly,

Take a Good Hard Look at Yourself - Take off the mask. Stop the pretense and look at your situation as it is and then vow to change. Be authentic. Once you see yourself for who you are right now, you can begin making the effort to change.

I still sit in my chair because it is comfortable and I like it. But, I'm not hiding anymore, just enjoying the comfort of the large arm rests and the high back. I do enjoy watching a good Perry Mason rerun while sitting in my chair, of course now it is between working on my future as a successful 50Something woman.