Cement Blocks

This blog post was inspired by a dear friend who I was speaking with the other day. We were talking about how hard it was for her to get out of her current situation of feeling hopeless and pretty much like a total failure. The problem was, she was doing nothing to change her circumstance. As we talked, I asked her what she thought was keeping her from making some decisions, from making some changes. She replied, “I feel like I am stuck in cement, unable to move forward or backward, just stuck!”

My imagination immediately conjured up an image of my friend standing in her living room in cement blocks as shoes. She was stuck there unable to lift her feet and walk out of her situation toward a life of fulfillment and success. All the dreams she had for herself were not realized and now she felt that being well into 50Something she would be unable to accomplish any of the things she desired.

Sad thing is, I knew exactly how she felt. I had been there just a few years ago. Heavy cement blocks had me so grounded in depression and fear that I couldn’t and wouldn’t do anything. There I was, 50Something with a long career (sometimes successful, sometimes not) behind me and I couldn’t see a future  beyond the interior of my house and television set. The cement blocks were so heavy I could barely get out of bed, make it downstairs to my favorite chair and then after a day of inactivity make the heavy trek back upstairs. Stuck.

As I listened to my friend, I began to think “how did I shed my cement blocks? What were some of the steps I took to make the decision that there was so much more I needed to accomplish and could accomplish? What advice could I give her that might make a difference?

Here are 5 tips that helped me shake the cement blocks and get off my butt and make life happen:

• Stop Making Excuses - Being 50Something was a great reason for me not to do ANYTHING. I was tired and full of excuses. Here are some of the classic ones many of us use to stay planted in our cement blocks. "I'm too old. No one will hire me. Besides they can't pay me what I'm worth". "I can't start a new business because the last time I did, I lost so much money and I can't take that risk again". EXCUSES...EXCUSES. STOP IT!! As long as you continue to come of with reasons why NOT, you will NOT. Work everyday on changing your words. I CAN...I can accomplish anything I set out to do and have a better chance of succeeding because of the depth of my previous work and life experience.

• Forgive yourself for past failures – Guilt is a very strong emotion. And it is a normal response to a business failure or any other type of failure (especially if a large sum of money is involved).Guilt keeps you stuck in the past and prevents you from moving forward. Those dang cement blocks. When we have guilt because of a failure, we relive the experience over and over, each time coming out of it depressed and afraid to do anything to change our situation. The first step is to simply forgive yourself. Yes you failed. There you said it, you admitted it and the world continued to turn on its axis. Nothing you can do can change the outcome. It's happened. It's in the past and now your only lesson is to learn from it. 

• Surround yourself with positive people who are moving toward their dream – There's nothing worse than a "Debbie Downer". You know the kind of person who is constantly pooh-poohing your dreams. "That will never work!"..."I've tried that and it didn't work!"..."Don't waste your money on that, you will never succeed!"...We all know people who get great satisfaction out of quelching our dreams. That's why you MUST eliminate those people from your circle and surround yourself with people who are positive and supportive. The easiest way to remain stuck in cement blocks is to have negtive forces encourging you to stay stuck. Go out and start networking with groups of people who have the same interest as you. Join Facebook groups that encourage their members through positive posts and tips. Listen to motivational videos on You Tube. Turn to your spiritual leaders for inspiration. Read your Bible for scriptures that encourage. Bottom line? Find the positive all around you and keep the negative away.

• Stop the negative talk inside your head – Sometimes we are our most negative influence - right inside of our thoughts. We all experience doubt and fear. It's how we respond to it that will determine whether or not we will be able to step out of our cement blocks. Whenever you have a negative thought immediately begin reminding yourself of all of your successes from childhood forward. Practice reliving positive moments whenever you start to doubt and feel fear. Having had three children, I try to relive the day of their births and the flood of positive emotions that came over me the moment the doctor laid them on my chest. So when I start to tell myself that I will never reach my goals, I FORCE myself to think about positive moments and before I know it, I am again unstuck and able to move forward toward my dreams.

• Get up and get moving – This one was probably the hardest for me. I was so comfortable in my comfy chair, watching my favorite tv show and safely floating through each day that I was totally stuck. Should I get a job? No, I hadn't worked for anyone for over 20 years. The idea of having to answer to a boss was not feasible so I remained in the chair. Should I start another business? No, I failed so miserably at the last one, why would I take the risk, so I remained in the chair. Should I go back to school? No, I already have a BA in Journalism, I felt I was educated enough, so I remained in my chair. 

• So, how did I get up and get going? My son! One day, he stopped by and I was sitting in my chair where I'm sure I was every time he came over. I immediately begain talking about an email I was about to send, or an appointment I needed to finalize and he looked at me and laughed. He said, "Mom why don't you just admit it! You're done.  Done! Me? No way. I had been an entrepreneur for many years and before that I was a consultant and an employee. I always had something to do. But when he said that, I realized that he was right. If I didn't get up and start doing something toward my future, I would be done. I didn't want that. And neither do you. If you have been stuck in those blocks without a plan for getting out, start right now creating a plan to get moving. Go to school. Start a Business. Go back to work. Start today writing your plan to get moving NOW.

Remember, you have what it takes inside you to get out of the cement blocks holding you back. Make the decision today to kick off the blocks and change the course of the rest of your life. As I said, being 50Something is not a reason to DO NOTHING! Tap into the life experience and years of expertise you have and take that critical step toward a better you no matter what your age.